Zero
by luvingbtr
Summary: "I feel like no one's ever had to deal with the pain that I'm dealing with right now" - Hawk Nelson. He couldn't do it anymore. He found a bottle of pain killers, and emptied it into his hand. The bunch of pills stared at him, clawing him in. You want to die. You want to die. They were right. He did want to die.


**Most angst, anyone? This is a sequel to Why, but you don't have to read that to understand this. Warning, extreme angst ahead.**

_Your Life dreams are shattered,  
Now you're gone away.  
We've cried here for hours,  
And the hours turn to days_

3 weeks. It had been three weeks since James David Diamond had taken his life. Three painful weeks. These weeks would never be forgotten. The aftermath of James' actions was unbearable. His life dreams were shattered, so he decided to take it upon himself to choose his fate. Kendall and Carlos had broken down for a while, but they'd learned to accept it. Logan. He was always closest to the brunette. He spent hours, days, sobbing his heart out. He missed James more than anyone could ever imagine.

_We know you regret this,  
Leaving us here,  
With portraits and memories  
_

Logan wondered. Did James regret his actions? Did he ever stop and think, realize, what he'd be doing to his friends and family? Well, scratch the family part. His mother was also deceased, and his father was an abusive alcoholic who didn't care about James at _all. _All James had were his friends. All he'd left them with were pictures. Pictures and memories. Moments that he truly was happy. That he was enjoying his life. Those memories specifically, Logan would hold close to his heart.

_When I hear your name, it's not the same.  
No matter what they say, I'm not okay._

James. Whenever someone brought up his best friend, Logan left the room. He couldn't bear to hear whatever condolences or anything. He just wanted James back. Kendall and Carlos were slowly rebuilding their lives, but no matter what they said, Logan was not okay. He wasn't okay without James. He wasn't fine. He wasn't okay. He'd never be. Without James, he'd become a hollow person. No emotion. No feelings. He shut the world out.

_And we started at zero, and went different ways.  
Now we're all out here wasting away._

Logan had really taken a turn for the worst. He didn't talk to anyone, not Kendall, not Carlos. He'd lock himself in his room all the time. When he did come out, he went to smoke. That's right. Logan Phillip Mitchell. Future doctor. Smoking. He didn't have any purpose or reason for life, was his justification. Logan was wasting away. He was on a downward spiral. And James was the only one who could save him.

_And if we started at zero, then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same._

How did everything change? One day all four of them were together, smiling and laughing. The next, James was gone, and Logan was a mess. It did seem like they were normal yesterday. Normal. They'd never be normal again, especially Logan.

It's been three months since he left us.  
_So far nothing's been the same.  
And my question without answer is:  
Am I the one to blame?_

Logan always wondered. Was it his fault? Could he have done something to prevent James from killing himself? He'd always blame himself. No matter how many times his parents, Mama Knight, Kendall, Carlos, anyone told him otherwise, he'd always live with the guilt of knowing that he let his best friend commit suicide.

_He was such a good description of a favored future man.  
He spoke well of other people, and they said the same for him_

James was amazing. He was kind and sweet, a little self-absorbed, but funny and smart, even though he didn't show it_. _Everyone liked him, and everyone had good impressions of the tall brunette. He was a perfect example of a popular, yet sweet guy. He always had something nice to say about everyone, and they said the same about him. It was a give and take situation. James was nice, he got the nice back.

_When I hear your name, it's not the same.  
No matter what they say, I'm not okay.  
And we started at zero, and went different ways.  
Now we're all out here wasting away.  
And if we started at zero, then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same, we were the same_

Logan couldn't take this. James was gone, and he was a complete mess. He didn't want to do anything anymore. Except die. He wanted to die. Be with James. He wanted his brother back. He wanted to see James. He wanted his older brother. He wanted to be wrapped in James' arms. He wanted to die.

_They say they're sorry, well what are they sorry for?  
How can they possible know what I'm going through?  
I feel like no one's ever had to deal with the pain that I'm dealing with right now_

Stupid people and their sympathy. They always said sorry. What were they sorry _for?_ How could they have any idea what this pain was like? What it was like to lose a brother. To lose your best friend. Your brother. Heartbreak. It was a pain, in his chest. Logan felt that physical pain every day. The pain of heartbreak. He felt like no one else had to deal with that horrible pain. Why was he the only one suffering?

He couldn't do it anymore. He found a bottle of pain killers, and emptied it into his hand. The bunch of pills stared at him, clawing him in. _You want to die. You want to die. _They were right. He did want to die. So, on July 22, 2013, three months after James had killed himself, Logan Phillip Mitchell overdosed. And the overdose killed him.

_Does anyone have answers?  
Just Six months ago everything was fine. Or so it seemed.  
What turn of event caused him to go downhill?  
His parents are devastated.  
His girlfriend's depressed.  
What was he thinking!?_

November 22, 2013. Four months after Logan had killed himself. Kendall and Carlos had broken down when they'd found out. It was bad enough, to lose one friend to suicide, but they ended up losing two. They thought he was fine. A month after James' death, they thought everything was okay. But he wasn't. For the next two months, he managed to hang on, but he couldn't do it. What caused this? James' death. Big factor. Logan's parents were beside themselves, distraught. Camille had fallen into a deep depression that not even Jo could help with. Kendall and Carlos just had one question. What the hell was Logan thinking?!

_And we started at zero  
And went different ways  
Now we're all out here wasting away  
Wasting away  
Wasting away_

And we started at zero  
And went different ways  
Now we're all out here wasting away  
And if we started at zero  
Then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same  
We were the same  
We were the same

Logan and James couldn't see the light. They were too far down, too broken.

…

_Four months ago_

James stared as Logan came into view.

"Where am I?" The shorter brunette wondered, looking at the white that surrounded him.

"Heaven, idiot. What did you just do?!" James replied angrily, moving to stand in front of his friend.

"James…." Logan's eyes lit up. "Oh James… I missed you so much…"

"So did I, buddy. But you shouldn't have done it. You would've been okay without me, Logie."

Logan shook his head fiercely. "No. I was a mess, James. And you know it."

James sighed. "I do. Cigarettes? Really?"

"I couldn't do it, Jamie. I need you." Logan's eyes were full of pain, and he stared at James through tears.

A small smile crept onto James' face. "Well, you can't change anything now. "C'mere, bro." He held his arms out, and Logan wasted no time, running into them. He buried his face in James' chest, crying.

"I love you, James."

James smiled. "I love you too, Logan. So much."

…

_Present day_

Kendall and Carlos stared at the two graves in front of them, with tears running down their cheeks.

_James David Diamond_

_July 16, 1996 – April 22, 2013_

_A smile hiding the pain. Rest in peace. _

_Logan Phillip Mitchell_

_September 14__th__, 1996 – July 22, 2013_

_A mask of pain. Rest in peace. _

Kendall and Carlos' tears fell on the marble stones. "Rest in peace, Jay and Loges. We love you."

**Wow okay. Angst overdose. I'm sorry for doing that to you guys. I'm gonna go recover from that. Review!**

**XO ~Neha**


End file.
